Why are you not curious about your own life?

Students’ Experience – Day 1 of Svaha

On the 1st day of Svaha, the 7 days physical retreat unfolded at Chikmagalur with a Havan at 6 am in morning, various emotions like excitement, nervousness, uncertainty; anticipated with the program amongst the participants began settling down. The purpose of the Havan was to align ourselves to nature and creation.

8:30 am onwards:

  1. There was a group Yog Nidra (meditation) session which was followed by Sir’s lecture and then a group discussion.
  2. As we opened up about our doubts in the concepts of Chetna, Vedna & Manthan, it surprised us to know that the diagnosis for our faltering in our practices is our lack of curiosity versus ambition and control. Lack of Curiosity – about our own lives, the root cause of our suffering; this revelation set the tone for the day.
  3. Inadequacy, Unworthiness, Rejected Femininity and Self Judgement surfaced for most participants as they worked on their hopelessness.
  4. The session ended in the afternoon with another round of meditation with our question on our Inadequacy.
    After giving everyone some space for reflection, the evening session started at 5 pm with NV Fishing. What came out was fascinating as some oscillated between their mental body and emotional body, while few others were vulnerable enough to be in touch with their spirit’s expression (their desire).

As everyone retired for the night, the question still lingered – “How to stay in the space of curiosity?” and hence be curious for the next day.

Responses

While drawing our algorithm, we start with identifying our symptoms. Do we look at our symptoms of today or from our childhood? Our tendencies also seem like they are about today and not from our childhood. How should I interpret this?

You can start with identifying your symptoms today and make your Algorithm identifying your Lack, Tendency and Pattern. It may seem like the tendencies are loud and clear today. This is only because as an adult, you are either more aware of it, or the tendency is more pronounced. However, if you go back to that age group of 7-14, you will find that the same tendency existed back then as well.  

For example – your lack is abandonment and so your tendency is need to prove/ excel. As an adult, you try extremely hard to prove yourself at work, but maybe as a ten-year-old you wanted to make sure that you win a colouring competition or feel worthy by collecting the maximum number of berries or fruits. 

 So, you would notice how the nature of tendency existed even back then – sometimes subtly, sometimes pronounced. It is just a matter of developing sensitivity to recognize it in that time and space. However, you can always work with current scenarios. 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  2. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness. 

After finding my LTP and mapping my algorithm, I can see how I have suffered in my childhood and continue to do so. What can I do to remedy this and reverse my suffering?

 Since you are seeking the cure, you must know that state of meditation is the state of cure. The more you are in this state, the more you move towards light, thus curing your suffering.  

All the things which come into your awareness, must now be attended to by Observing your breath. For process of attending to what has surfaced, refer to Ques no 8 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  1. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness.