Do you see someone running on a still treadmill?

I met someone the other day, as a coach and not a friend. Had been meeting her intermittently at our center. She came with the intent to practice the NV Life techniques and more often than not, she tended to fall asleep, even with the 1st step of the technique that we teach, from the book.

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That day, she rambled. She did not easily go towards practicing. She wanted to be heard. And she spoke of all else other than the primary issue she is grappling with- for which she is visiting the center!

She spoke of the kids and their screen time. She spoke of her partner and his lackadaisical habits and how she is trying to get him to get onto a routine. She spoke of how she does not have any time as she has so much to attend to.

And I could just see my past, from 4 years back springing up. My relationship was in shambles. And while I had moved out of it, I was in shambles! Unable to make meaning of most things in the here and now, I was going with the flow – “Being strong”, attending family weddings, socializing, attending to work, being a ‘present’ mom.

And then SNAP. I was not available. To anyone or anything else, least of all to myself. But even after this snap moment, I had to make meaning of my existence. So there I was- trying to fix issues of my kids, trying to figure some stuff at work. Just trying. And failing.

And then come September, my sister accompanied me to a workshop; where all I received (so I thought then) were tough kicks and myriad moments of feeling unacknowledged while being there. That was my beginning with NV Life, which is now home.

Moreover, as she spoke today, the lines from the book were ringing in, aloud. I wanted to just say – “Please understand- ‘the problem with the problem is that it does not allow you to stay with it’ – Meditation The Cure.”

Why?

Because this woman was spending hours trying to work, when she could barely manage to get an email out.
Because she was concerned about her child’s change in behavior and misdemeanors, while she had little control over creating any safe space for herself or her children.

Because she was afraid that her child was having too much screen time- and this would be 1 point of contention that she could pick up with the Mister and thus have some purposeful dialogue with the “until-now-love-of-her-life”.

And, I realized that asking her to go smell some coffee, get real, and attend to the issue of a failing marriage would not work.

“She has to Pause. And she has to start the process, step by step.
She has to clear her time, space, and energy to be with herself.
She has to listen to her breath.
She has to begin the walk inwards.” 

She has to go back to what she ran away from, during Chetna. And has to take the baby steps.
I feel the anguish of seeing just this one woman suffer. And there are many – men and women.

And I do not care what the beam balance of the relationship really is and whose column shows more reds, between the two of them. No, I do not wish for her to stay in the marriage. And I do not wish for her to walk out of it.

What I do wish for is that she walks in and finds the place of origin- where it all began- and how she manifested this distressful suffering in her life; a situation where she is at the brink of losing her coherence.