I started the Certification Program with a “Hope” to walk the path of my life with “Faith”. But it hasn’t come easy. The two words “Hope” and “Faith” lost its essence in my life years ago. Every time I wanted to take a step forward, I felt shaken to the core. Naveen Sir’s constant encouragement helped me to take baby steps every day for the last one year. With his untiring words of motivation. So, I took the leap of Faith by joining the Certification Program, Winter batch 2019.
Naveen Sir kicked off Manthan with the journey of NV Life. My faith that I am at the right place grew stronger. He started with decoding– “Emotions”. I was surprised how I behaved differently in various situations depending on how high/low my ego was, in that moment.
He explained how a lack in life makes us to form a belief which becomes our reality. He made us map our emotions and beliefs to our lack in 0-7 years of age. I initially struggled to identify my patterns because each belief and tendency appeared to be mine and each pattern seemed to be “Me”.
The next few days were enlightening for me. My life played out in front of my eyes, unfolding itself bit by bit. I realized how I have fueled my beliefs and manifested them to reality. This left me neither an escape route nor anyone to blame.
Let me list some of the most significant learnings and realizations during Manthan –
- There are 3 kinds of people – those who don’t know themselves, those who are scared to know themselves and those who know but can’t accept themselves. I belong to the last category. Manthan made me face my dark that, I have been silently aware of. What I was not aware was that, I have very little acceptance my own self and the dark within me.
I struggled to accept that I am not perfect, and it is okay to be so. It took me a hell lot of courage to accept that I can be vindictive at times.
It also took me a while to understand that it is so easy for me to feel rejected. Let’s say you don’t answer me, looking me in the eyes and I will feel rejected. See how difficult it is for me to accept myself, the way I am! Unacceptance has been one of the beliefs that I have been living with, in this life.
- Worry is my all-time companion. I can worry for anything and everything under the sun, moon and the sky! Yes, that’s true. However, now I am find myself asking- if I actually enjoy worrying!
- I love sympathizing because that makes me feel nice about myself. A lot of times, my intention to genuinely help gets overshadowed by my need to be nice.
- My suffocation in relationships is a result of my expectations. I withdraw when my expectations are not met. Sometimes when I am in a high ego state, I develop dislike or hatred. If that doesn’t make me feel any better, I seek vengeance. When I am in a low ego state, I end up getting hurt and isolate myself. The hurt eventually becomes corrosive and eats me inside out.
- I have created a web of dependent relationships all my life. My need to be needed is so strong that I will go out of the way to maintain these relationships. This so called “out of the way” often comes at the cost of my authenticity. It is such an irony that in order to escape rejection, I create relationships where I am valued and I end up being suffocated in them, again feeling rejected. It is a vicious circle!
In just one week, I learnt so much from Naveen Sir, the coaches and participants alike. I cannot describe in words, how grateful I am, to have the opportunity of baring my soul without the fear of judgement. I am also extremely grateful to my coach, Simren Ma’am who prepared me for the churning of Manthan with her insights and wisdom.
Manthan was a homecoming for me in every possible sense. It could not have been any better! The beautiful resort, the lush forest, the fresh air, the sounds of the birds, the calming rain, the cozy bonfire and so many delightful evenings spent together with Naveen Sir, NV Life team and fellow participants will be etched in my memories forever!
The journey has just begun…………
To be Continued