Frequently Asked Questions
Ego is nothing but an instrument of your mind, which is used to keep emotions or hurt suppressed. If you have a strong ego, you are considered a brave and a powerful person, because no matter how difficult the situation is you are not emotionally affected. But this is how people see you. In reality, you are affected as much as a weak person is affected, except that a so-called weak person decides to experience the emotion or doesn’t have ego which is strong enough to control emotions.
If it is a compulsion to feel emotions due to the inability to control them, then it triggers hopelessness, and if it is a choice to experience emotions then it is a function of consciousness.
When no one attends to you, you feel the need to attend to yourself, that is self-pity. You wish someone would tell you – OH! poor you; so much wrong has happened to you, etc. But since there is no one to acknowledge that, you yourself acknowledge it and say – Poor me; so much wrong has happened with me; I am a piece of shit; why me.
So in a such a a situation do you not own the responsibility and question why did I attract this? What pattern of mine am I missing out on? Rather you blame the universe and its people and say that they wronged me.
All the work that happens in this course is based on suppressed emotions emerging (root cause of suffering). As these emotions begin to surface the initial reaction is to have an outburst – crying. However it is important to recognize the emotion underneath the act of crying. e.g. Guilt, Fear & Shame.
It is good to have ego in fluid state.
By the end of the day, it is completely your choice, as to how you want to use your ego in your outer circle. However as recommended in the circle of self, ego should be zero and in other two circles ( family friends + outer circle) you may choose to be fluid depending upon the need of the situation.
Ego is always a defense mechanism, so by the end of the day always come back to yourself, to check what it triggered in you and what you were trying to survive. It is ok to bring the defence mechanism in a solid state as in that moment you are dealing with the rational world, which requires a certain degree of objectivity. Thus in that moment it would seem necessary to bring in ego to process it. However in order to maintain an optimal level of health and well-being you must in your moments of solitude reflect upon that moment where you brought in that ego and question yourself. As you continue to work on yourself, you will begin to see that any such situation doesn’t trigger anything in you, but leaves you with authentic communication and this is where it doesn’t hurt you, and any such situation doesn’t t create a hurt.
Guilt is nothing but self-imposed morality. Let’s say you have guilt of not being a good mother. So you create terms and conditions for yourself, which if you fulfill you begin to feel like a good mother in your opinion. Example : ensuring you pick and drop your child, despite having a bus service; ensuring you are always around your kids, whether they want you or not, etc.
When you fail to check even one box out of the list of multiple things you feel guilty, because in your opinion you have now violated your morality. Your morality is the barrier to experiencing your unworthiness/loneliness. So when you continue to feel guilty for a long time, even the slightest trigger from outside can make you feel shameful. In continuation with the example, it can be as subtle as watching a movie and seeing the mother in the film take her kids to school and back and you begin to feel shameful about self; and on the other hand, a relative telling you something like ” Oh! You don’t cook for your kids”
It is possible to have multiple emotions in one event. For e.g. your father is angry with you and there is an argument underway. The argument is about you spending too much money on expensive things. The spectrum of emotions you may feel in this event are –
1) Fear (of being reprimanded by father)
2) Guilt ( of spending too much money)
The process is very simple – Defrost the event. Continue to breathe on fear
The only way of addressing fear is to allow the fear to pass through you while you Observe your breath so that you become aware of your fears. The more you bring them to your awareness and begin to understand the nature of your fear the more you are able to ground your fear. Also, as you begin to acknowledge your fear it will begin to take to your past events where the fear had gotten suppressed and is now releasing one by one
Follow the process of defrosting and once you have followed the process of defrosting, you will begin to experience the emotions which you felt in that event. If not, lie down and begin to observe your breath post defrosting and stay in that space and emotions will surface on their own.
Let us begin with an example to help you understand the science.
Let’s say you have an irrational fear of darkness and you are unable to be by yourself in the dark room or sleep in a dark room. If someone is next to you, then you either don’t feel fearful in the same dark room or the intensity of your fear reduces. This means at the root of it, you were not fearful of darkness, but you were fearful of loneliness.
Let’s take example of fear of heights – you are standing on top of a multistoried building, but if someone is holding your hand tightly, then intensity of your fear decreases, as it makes you feel safe and protected. This means at the root of it on a rational level it is either fear of uncertainty or fear of being left unprotected or unsafe. What the above example shows us is that at the root of it the reason for fear is something else. But the fear peaks in situations where this root cause is comes out without a barrier. So the root cause is the rational of the fear, and the situation/stimulus which induces the fear such as height, darkness is the irrational part of the fear.
To understand the root cause of any irrational fear OTB on the irrational fear and continue to feel it till you arrive at the root cause.
Whenever you attempt to breathe on an emotion, on a practical level you would experience that its opposing force – thought, will try to interfere, which means you would witness an interplay of thoughts and emotions. So every time you try to breathe an emotion and a thought interferes, witness the thought/thoughts and allow it to pass and gently bring your attention back to the emotion. Don’t be forceful with the transition. If you think there are too many thoughts witness them. Be very gentle with it. As, emotions have motion, so every time your attention comes to the emotion, you will see a shift in its intensity, which means there may be moments where intensity of emotions will peak. Don’t abort the process here. Hold on. Continue to breathe, gradually your ability to stay with an emotion will increase, and you will begin to experience a shift in the time interval, periodicity, and intensity of the emotion.
Thoughts are directly proportional to emotions, which means the higher the intensity of the emotions, the more the number of thoughts. Apply the technique of observe the thoughts, which means you close your eyes, and be in awareness of every thought that comes up. Open your eyes and write down, whatever thoughts your remember. Every thought has an emotion/s which it is trying to suppress, regulate or control.
14-21 is the arrival of your sexual energy, so any emotion you have had from 0-14 will get amplified in 14-21. Which means it is perfectly fine to continue to access the events of 0-14 which are open for you. As you begin to stay in that space longer you will eventually arrive at your events of 14-21.
If you read chapter emotional body, you will realise that we have only two states – Bliss & Pain. This means the higher you stay in the state of bliss, the deeper you get into the state of pain and the bigger is your consciousness. So there is nothing wrong in experiencing extreme bliss and pain.
There are two parts to this answer:
1) Emotions have motion, which means if you begin to observe your breath with emotion in your awareness the emotion will get grounded. However, it may seem like it is a quick-fix or a band-aid solution, because in doing so, you have not completely arrived at the root cause which can happen through Algorithm
2) So to take a sharper approach, you must first put the situation through which you attracted anger in the format of Algorithm. This will help you understand the origin of emotion. Once this is in your awareness, doing OTB on this would mean attending directly to the root cause.
If you put this in your Algorithm, you will notice that failure is a pattern, which you have experienced. Encountering this pattern would mean addressing your tendency and that would mean having to touch your lack. It is the fear of experiencing the same lack all over again, triggered by the pattern/ situation – Failure.
For e.g. failing in an exam would mean, being rejected, abandoned or neglected by parents. Worry is the emotion of the future. You worry constantly, because you don’t want to come face to face with your lack and feel that way. This often threatens your survival and your mind is now active, as it wants to take some action to ensure that you are in control. Thus always arrive at the root cause with your Algorithm and keep your attention there.
Close your eyes and begin to observe your breath, and now bring attention to this event of loss. You will discover that it triggers a pool of thoughts and emotions which means that this wound is yet not healed. An issue heals if you begin to apply the technique of either OTB or NV Hunting on this event repeatedly. Each time you do it, you will find something from the sub conscious surfacing. What will ideally surface unknowingly is some Karm or belief, which was formed in that event. The secret of healing is, bringing your belief into your awareness and dissolving them. As you do this, the event will begin to neutralize. Hence, it is important to revisit such events no matter how deep or painful they are to heal them from its core.
Emotional body is like a lubricant – the lubricant between spirit and physical body. If we lose access to our spirit, the spirit will seek its expression, taking us to scenarios that give us pain. The pain connects us back to the mystery – the symptoms of our suffering lies in our emotions, which means it is both important to understand and breathe on the emotion. Always attempt to make a flowchart and then breathe on the emotion. However, from time to time you may intuitively feel you want to breathe on it rather than make a flowchart first. Feel free to go by your intuition