Love: Do we find it within or without?
Founder’s Insights • 18 April 2022, 9:00 AM
Love like breathing is an autonomous process and is a natural process for all living beings. Our search for love, in essence, is the search for ourselves. It somewhere begins with our adolescence age around the time when we discover our identity with the advent of sexual energy.
It is a time when we start to realize we are not our parents and this pushes us harder to think of our future and survival. There is tremendous curiosity towards the future which is a journey into the unknown, and it is triggered by sexuality and not spirituality. There is enough sense of realization that parents are base and roots but not the branches and flowers.
Having grown with love and care and being accepted for what we are, suddenly, around this age, we feel being left alone. So, the search for identity becomes the pursuit of love, acceptance, and recognition. This is why peer pressure is highest and external characters with brands define teenagers who are well understood by marketers.
Since we have not developed any product around spirituality to help teens discover themselves, we land up finding our expression of completion in well-matured products like education, career, fun, and promise of marriage. A companion or marriage reduces uncertainty around loneliness as discovered during teenage. It seems to say; do not worry, you will find yourself in marriage but focus on your career first. Partnership (earlier known as marriage) is one such matured product in which we search for identity. Since no partnership can start with hostility, we call it love for anything which is the need and feels nice.
Love heals, and exactly that is the purpose of any relationship. To provide a loving and safe environment to each other to help evolve. Grow from our shortcomings, our fears, and our insecurities. Love is the highest frequency of human experience and raises our vibrations. In the presence of it, lower frequency demons like fear, guilt, and shame which are hidden within, thus begin to surface as such emotions cannot sustain themselves in high vibratory levels. They surface to get healed, seeking release and enabling us to evolve to have more joyful experiences.
This exactly is the purpose of such negative frequencies within us to surface in love. It is like seeing the dust on the floor when we open the window and let the sunshine come in. If we are too insecure, we tend to hide them by trying to portray the high side to our partner in love. As we do that, love dies, and we get into love management techniques. When we try to face them, in the absence of knowledge, often we get entangled in handling these demons and the relationship begins to die. Relationship dies and turn stale but not the search for love as a search for love is the search for our identity. Hence, in the free economy and abundant choices, we are loyal to our search if not of a particular relation. It is no more a question that I will drink coffee at CCD. The question is I will drink coffee if not CCD, at Starbuck or roadside.
This was one of the primary reasons why marriage was made for the lifetime to allow enough time to nurture trust and faith in each other so that negative frequencies begin to die down. Now that we have a shorter lifespan of marriage, we have a task to get knowledgeable to handle our demons. We no more can afford to outsource healing of negative frequencies to our partner. Also, wounds are on both sides and who has the time?
When we are in love, we are egoless. Ego being a gatekeeper of our emotional body, once down (it has no space when in love as a need to defend is not there), leaves us vulnerable and open for attack. That is why a small remark from our partner gives deeper hurt because we do not need to defend ourselves.
Gradually, it is natural to bring defence mechanisms to protect ourselves. Protection of our vulnerabilities is the beginning of creating distance and the creation of distance is starting to believe love shall be explored outside. As we do that, our faith in the relationship dies which we commonly think is a death of love. Search for love never dies, and our capacity to love never dies as a search for love is the search for Identity. If it dies, it creates depression and disorder.
Search for love within is the path of a mystic. Life after 40 as designed is in any case meant to explore love within. However, in this age of convergence, a thread of spirituality and a decent level of comfort with self is cultivated since childhood giving us a greater sense of ease to make a choice. A new paradigm that is emerging is the people who are choosing to pursue spirituality within, and they are choosing to be loyal to explore and share love. It is like the potluck of love, and there are no contracts promising infinity together.