I came to Manthan with mixed feelings, there was hope but there was also a huge burden of guilt and worry that I had left my dad, in his condition of sickness, left my kids and my husband not only on their own but to take care of my dad. On top of that four different flights with long stays in between, it was quite tiring for me physically and mentally.
However, starting from the very first day, every passing day at Manthan unfolded the science behind the cure in so much detail and new insights and learnings every day. Meeting the Manthan participants was also a very new and strange experience as each day brought me in front of “me” in form of another participant, as if a mirror image of me in my patterns and tendencies.
Deep dive into the science of emotions, such as Jealousy, Guilt, worry, etc. and how to get out of it, how ego is playing its ‘maya’, suffering vs pain, parentin. Learning about all these clarified and took layers off of the superficial knowledge and survival ego that had been taught or learnt, intentionally or unintentionally, since my childhood.
Then came the “Algorithm: F(x) = A+B+C+D+E”. For first time I understood the reason behind my tendencies and patterns, and it made so much sense. Lack of appreciation, feeling neglected and rejected led to most of the things I did the way I did and am still doing it. It was like for first time I had put on glasses that actually make me see the real me, with no judgement about me or others, just acceptance and experience of pain, yes, lot of pain but no suffering.
Another key exercise for me was breathing on hunger. It unfolded the love and care of my parents that they always provided to me and my sister. My tears were not stopping, and all those old moments came to my consciousness when both of my parents sacrificed their desires to provide for us.
One bigger ‘jhatka laga’ moment was when we were asked to diagnose and coach each other. The coach that got chosen for me reflected same tendencies and patterns as me and the coachee that I coached reflected another set of lack and tendencies as me. While there was an awareness on how and why I attract same experiences, a deep feeling of gratitude came towards both, my coach and the coachee, as they made me aware of my lacks and patterns. For first time I think I was not judging them or me. I was just present to what I had experienced.
One thing I also noticed that somehow, I had so much awareness of every action and reaction of mine.
We were asked to do a group presentation on last day. While working through lacks and tendencies of each of us, there were so many similarities in what we had experienced in life. We laughed a lot while preparing the skit for our presentation, and I was noticing that underneath that sadness, pain that we all had, we all were so joyful and funny. After a long time, I came out as my previous, so long -lost self, which was noticed and acknowledged by other participants too. It made me realize that I have covered myself under so many layers of anger, doubt, sadness, grief, jealousy, guilt, and the list goes on……
What I really got out of Manthan is faith. During one of the lectures, Naveen sir said the below lines:
“If you have faith, why you need to pray? If no faith, what is the point in prayer?”
These lines shook me and my belief of prayer. I realized that I had no faith, that’s why I was so hopeless and how come all those prayers I did would have manifested? It is so simply but well said.
I thank Naveen Sir, all coaches and all the participants from the bottom of my heart, for making me see my real self and having the courage to accept her.