How your hidden OCD is damaging your life

Some of the common forms of OCD are known to all of us, such as involuntarily cleaning up the table in a restaurant or walking back again to check if the car/home is locked or not. More severe forms are when you continue to wash your hands or have this compelling 

need to check on your partner. These forms of OCD are known to people who suffer from it, however, each one of us has hidden OCD, which is silently eroding thquality of every aspect of our lives, wellbeing, and relationship. 

Sana, as an executive training head, was very popular among friends. She would be the first one to organize parties, had exceptional talent at mimicry, would entertain everyone, anbe the first one to take your mug to the sink when you had coffee with her. She was well accepted by her friends and colleagues but she could never understand why she was dumped in all her relationships. She was loved, but not accepted. Broken and tired of rejecting and being dumped by friends, boyfriends, and at the workplace, she was clueless about where did she go wrong, till she attended the Chetna workshop to discover that she was obsessed with seeking attention and being accepted. Her pleasing behaviour was her compulsion, to feel needed and accepted. However, she was always thrown back to her lack of rejection which had become her obsession to remove the same through compulsive behaviour. 

Ahilya had different story. She was obsessed with love even when in love and a relationship. She had the belief that she would be abandoned at some point in timeSo she continued to stay obsessed in her search for love while in relationship rather than absorbing and experiencing the love that was given to her. This made her go all out to compromise at anything to somehow remain in the relationship. She would not voice her desires and would lose all her worthiness just to stay in the relationship which was in no real danger of being lost. She was trying hard not to get wet while walking in the rain. Her belief had become her obsession and she would erode her worthiness and be a slave in the relationship to hang on to the relationship even when it would become abusive. Her obsession to search for love and her compulsive behaviour to be at mercy to be accepted became a pattern that would manifest for her from one relationship to another.  

Then there is Ulupi, an award-winning short film director, who was so obsessed with her unworthiness and hopelessness due to some failure in one relationship in the past that when she was recognized by this new company for her talent, she would get nervous even when she was recognized and trusted to handle multiple jobsSo obsessed was she, with the thought of being a failure, and her unworthiness that she would spend hours thinking about how to be perfect at the job and would lose out on prioritizing the jobs. Her belief became her obsession and she remained compulsive in trying to produce the perfect shot over and over to prove her worth and miss out on completing the other work. She became good at shooting a dead man and sitting there to ensure he is dead. 

Pavel was more classical than any one of them. As a serial entrepreneur and researcher, he would always get frustrated when whatever he had brought up beautifully, needed to be concluded to move to the next level. Hwould lose all his nerve and begin to find fault in what was created, secretly, trying to kill his creation and start dreaming of designing better product than before. This led to a series of failures, but he would get up and build again. He took pride in being a seasoned professional. Frustrated with the pattern, when he attended the NV Life’s Chetna program, he discovered he is obsessed with the process of creatingWhen the creation got completed, he would feel abandoned, unloved, and empty. He had the fear of being left out. He found that he sought love and appreciation by beautifully creating something which probably no one else was able to do. This made him feel special in his own eyes.  

These are some of the common examples of our students(names have been changed to ensure privacy), who enrolled for NV Life courses and through the courseware, they could decode their patterns and discover their hidden OCD. WE ALL HAVE HIDDEN OCD. 

OCD – hidden or visible has at its root, a frequency of suspicion. It comes from a lack of trust, or more precisely from a breach of trust. The most common reasons, among all the cases of hidden and visible OCD, is a child growing up in disturbed family, watching parents fighting with each other, feeling neglected in childhood, growing up away from the family, breaches the trust of a child and series of such episodes leads to the child beginning to suspect self in every aspect of life in his growing years.  

OCD has two parts, Obsession, and Compulsion. We are obsessed with what we intrinsically feel we lack and compulsion is just an attempt of our mind to fill that lack 

You must have seen yourself being obsessed with money seeking extra value in every deal – be it buying vegetables or holiday packagespeople seeking extra attention or extra value out of their visit to a restaurant. On the surface, it seems we are smart and extracting value for money and not getting fooled, but at the bottom of it, it is the obsession to seek love, and subconsciously demand from people that makes one feel extra special. Love me more than you love others. Treat me better. Where is it coming from? 

A lack of love from the mother and the lack of appreciation from the father is the root of OCD. 

Responses

  1. I could clearly connect with my obsession with clinging on too tightly to people n always fearing the worst n ultimately spoiling everything. It is something that I m dealing with currently .Thank you so much sir..i needed to read it more than ever.

  2. OMG This is so beautiful. I could totally relate to the obsession of being a perfectionist in me – a perfect mother, wife, homemaker , teacher…. Mostly from the lack of unappreciated. Thank you! I need this reminder!

  3. Beautiful and thank you ???. Yes I am obsessed with absence of father in my life. To cover that lack I have become a freak who wants to do everything herself and then complain about being burdened.

Meditation – the cure

 “I just have one belief; I do not believe human life is for suffering”

Naveen Varshneya 

Our courses

Chetna

Discover the pattern which drove you to make choices to arrive at suffering. 

Treatment Program

3 month long Personalised program for Acute and Chronic cases.

Swastim

Nothing lives inside us without being fed by our breath.

While drawing our algorithm, we start with identifying our symptoms. Do we look at our symptoms of today or from our childhood? Our tendencies also seem like they are about today and not from our childhood. How should I interpret this?

You can start with identifying your symptoms today and make your Algorithm identifying your Lack, Tendency and Pattern. It may seem like the tendencies are loud and clear today. This is only because as an adult, you are either more aware of it, or the tendency is more pronounced. However, if you go back to that age group of 7-14, you will find that the same tendency existed back then as well.  

For example – your lack is abandonment and so your tendency is need to prove/ excel. As an adult, you try extremely hard to prove yourself at work, but maybe as a ten-year-old you wanted to make sure that you win a colouring competition or feel worthy by collecting the maximum number of berries or fruits. 

 So, you would notice how the nature of tendency existed even back then – sometimes subtly, sometimes pronounced. It is just a matter of developing sensitivity to recognize it in that time and space. However, you can always work with current scenarios. 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  2. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness. 

After finding my LTP and mapping my algorithm, I can see how I have suffered in my childhood and continue to do so. What can I do to remedy this and reverse my suffering?

 Since you are seeking the cure, you must know that state of meditation is the state of cure. The more you are in this state, the more you move towards light, thus curing your suffering.  

All the things which come into your awareness, must now be attended to by Observing your breath. For process of attending to what has surfaced, refer to Ques no 8 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  1. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness.