Meditation the cure
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symptoms of fear with breath
symptoms of fear with breath
Thank you very much for this book and showing the path to look inward. Everyone with this book somewhere or other is undergoing a feeling of lacking something and seek love and happiness. There is anxiety, depression, unhappiness many times but what I know is only helplessness. I have been reading this book but joining this forum has been extraordinary. Learning from varied experiences and responses. Though I confess and admit that it is not easy to share on the group especially your feelings of lack within and that too when I am used to showing only my strong side. You crave for someone who can guide you on individual basis. But then, acceptance is the solution and the most difficult thing. Yeah Acceptance. Heartfelt gratitude Naveen Sir.
I am sharing my recent experience while doing NV swimming and seek guidance. I am not able to follow any of the techniques regularly and since sometime gave up doing them. Mind wanders. Then one day again started and said to myself that I ll do it. Tried and could do a bit( but somewhere was not satisfied.. expectations?) Next day I was feeling very withdrawn and aloof and decided to do NV Swimming. Was looking for peace than anything else. I started observing my breath and mind wandered. I brought it back again and again. Was just not able to concentrate. But I was very stubborn that I ll do it ( my expectation to reach Yog Nidra and feel at peace with myself). As I proceeded further holding my breath my body (specially my upper body stomach upwards) was full of sensation and tightness. I could not move even a cm. Was feeling very uncomfortable but in hope of Yog Nidra kept on observing my breath ( I was being greedy in literal sense). And then it was like someone is pressing my neck ( gala ghotna). I was choking, I wanted to shriek but couldn’t. I think this happened 4 times and some sound did come out of my mouth but very meek. Then suddenly I heard the voice of my mother as if she was talking to herself and then to my father. I could hear my parents conversation in bits n pieces from the time she conceived me to somewhere after my birth. I heard and felt my mother’s fear of giving birth to a girl child again and desperation for a boy( I have a very loving and adorable elder sister) coz of unknown fears with respect to family. This fear had taken over her but my father was unaffected. He was full of happiness and joy. Gender didnt matter to him at all. Fear and helplessness of my mother and love and happiness of my father. Finally I saw myself in my dad’s arms playing with me and singing a song that I could relate to. I also saw myself sleeping on bed towards the leg side of my mother( my mom confirmed that my sister had blood diarrhoea and needed more attention. Sister couldn’t take seeing me next to my mom?). Tears were rolling down and I was crying in this state unable to move at all. I stayed there for sometime. Then, all was calm and some spinning feeling(bhawar) as if I come from where dont know. Felt beyond time but was not able to move. As if I m held vv tightly. This too was over and I was not able to move. Then slowly one by one my fingers opened and I could open my eyes. I was crying. I got up I was shaking and shivering. I wrote a message to Naveen Sir out of helplessness, confusion and curiosity and he encouraged me to write on the forum. Thank you, Sir.
I took the time. I couldn’t hold my desperation and spoke to my mother. She was surprised and couldn’t answer but finally admitted everything. Yes, I did travel to her womb.
I would like to bring out I am born to very open-minded parents who never differentiated between a girl and a boy. They loved me immensely and am proud of their upbringing. Could not have been brought up better. But still, there was always this feeling of being unwanted and unloved and was troubling me very much before I started this particular session of NV swimming. I could relate to it immediately that one stupid fear of my mother at that time did affect me so badly without her and my knowledge and intention. Probably my fight and urge to know about this feeling took me there with sudden force. I did feel as if some other forces are working on me. Complete evening/night was full of tears and pain. I called up my Dad to tell him how much I love him. He was one with unconditional love.
I am just a starter and feel completely soaked in power of this book. Also, everyone who has supported me knowingly and unknowingly. Heartfelt Gratitude. Feeling Blessed. ?