Student Name: Anjali Mukherjee (Tini)
Batch: Vedna 10.0
Suffering: Depression, PCOD
Vedna – in Sanskrit, Bedona – in Bengali, Bedina – in Kannada, all three words, same in meaning, similar in phonetics, essentially lie in the origination of a similar state – of pain. As phonetics dissolves into different languages, it translates to a state of discomfort, an unsettledness. That’s exactly what Vedna was for me. A continuous process of being unsettled, an unsettling feeling that I knew would lead me to something novel- not necessarily something of which I knew, the good or bad, or frankly still do, but a turning over of something on its head, which when it will finally peak out, will peak well.
I have grown up in a household strewn with astrological charts and stars. I have grown up fortunate enough to be called, the granddaughter of one of the world’s best astrologers. Like him, at the beginning of Vedna, I called for my collapse. Imminent – but I was pushing it away as far as I could. Like the red Teletubby dancing on the precipice of falling down a big hole. So many times, in life, when we go through a storm, it is because we are to be reminded of that which forms the core essence of us.
About Vedna, I would say, when you walk into Vedna, know that it’s a movie you’re walking into. Some movies play to the climaxes, in the beginning, some in the middle, and while some kick you off balance in the end. According to the director’s will, or of the man running the reels behind the curtains- (the Founder is watching you, holding you in every breath, sensing you in others, like he is running the reels along with the universe, so watch out). To me, Vedna was this too. “How long could you hold the lid? How long before you see what you were meant to witness?” Every breath you connect to, holds you. You may not realize it first, but it does. It connects you to some lost sense of faith that you possessed as a child… which you probably lost when you made the belief that you were the prey (victim) to the world but find when you hunt (using NV Hunting technique) on the same world. Narratives that I had spun around myself, unraveled themselves, much to my discomfort. Bitter truths and harsh realizations, but more importantly, what I would’ve previously seen as regrets and maybe to some measure still see them as such, I now see them as wisdom… Not absolute, but a fine beginning for which I am at least very grateful.
Grateful that the lens through which I view my parents – if not completely cleansed off the dust, is reducing its fogginess. It feels difficult to soak their wisdom as the wisdom is immense and my bowl is yet small… But it helps to grow. The more I absorb what I soak like the Chotu in a shop learning off the tricks he witnesses, the easier the process of everything becomes. Once you connect to wisdom, the connection to everything else improves. It is a tightrope walk sometimes, a dwindling the others, however, your breath keeps guiding you to what ought to really matter first. Also, if you were bleeding for twenty-five days in a row, for three consecutive months, then perhaps the step backward you take, or forward, should be to hold your core being well.
It isn’t as much as one step a day, as it is one breath a moment, and this connection serves far more your momentary and ever-changing 3G/4G connections. For…this is the OG. (Old folks, it means original gangster). My generation has been understandably seen as the spirit hoarder- as is seen today- in the dark of movies, entertainment, drugs, and relationships. A vital difference to all of this is perhaps the light of the spirit. Once you find this, and find this well, then despite the Vedna you are in, the process of experiencing, or the Chetna that comes along with it, you will find yourself floating by on the Dead Sea, alive.
I sign off – with immense gratitude, love, and respect for everyone involved in this journey – the kith and kin of it, the coaches, the sister, and most importantly the man behind the still churning fountain of wisdom.
Thank you, and I am on the way with another snippet of what Vedna was. Stay tooooooned. ;).
Depression is the anger turned inward, triggered by disappointment which turns into deep-set hopelessness – where you want to give up on life. When one turns inward, they are able to witness their deep-rooted patterns, tendencies, and hopelessness which they hold towards the world and ultimately towards themselves. And with the breath, they begin to heal and overcome depression naturally.
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