Forgiveness, Gratitude and Misunderstanding. Do We Really Need Them?

Jodha does not forgive Akbar when he happens to make the mistake of suspecting her despite his repeated attempts to seek forgiveness and yet her love and devotion for him do not change. In the Dilip Kumar starrer movie Shakti when his son (Amitabh Bachchan) is kidnapped, the son hears Dilip Kumar saying,

it is not important to save him vis a vis his first child and that is his duty. The child misunderstood his father and it goes on to show how they both suffer due to a child not being able to forgive his father. 

In our more routine mundane life, we face such situations often where we are forgiving now and then often as a compromise because we seem to believe that we have no choice but to live the relationship, hence we forgive. 

Forgiveness in such a case becomes a need that says that my virtues are not as important for my evolution as much as the need to have a relationship. Hindus will argue that forgiveness is divine and so is gratitude, as by doing so, you evolve and attain peace and come closer to enlightenment. When they say so, it turns out as if working towards enlightenment is the goal of the soul like a trainee aiming to be CEO of the company. It is an ambition imposed on the mental body of the person and a belief is created. A belief which has its roots in a need to evolve has a conflict with any path of enlightenment or liberation, which is and should be beyond the need to forgive. The need as conceived by mental body and the fear that we might go against the divine if we do not forgive and be in gratitude. 

On the other hand, Jodha or Amitabh Bachchan in Shakti carried the power within their soul. They believed in the relationship but in the case of Jodha, not without her virtues and in the case of Shakti not without protection, which from a child’s perspective, the father is the only source. They feel empowered enough to carry on to live without the relationship and take all the risk in their life not caring if they will survive or not. They chose a path which we may judge as wrong, full of pain or struggle and bitterness. But then whosoever sold the idea that happiness, peace, joy and surrender are supreme virtues of humanity, oversold the law of nature and forgot that the biggest virtue is to be authentic. Authentic to your pain through acceptance of wounds and hurt rather than pretending to be spiritual by choosing comfort, faking forgiveness and gratitude. No path can lead to liberation or enlightenment if that is what one is pursuing if he/she is not authentic. One must be willing to go through pain by breathing wounds till it reveals the wisdom and its purpose.  Such authentic people are beyond time and space and do not have any milestones for this lifetime. They are only concerned about following the sound of their soul and staying with it even if it means few lifetimes.

Responses

While drawing our algorithm, we start with identifying our symptoms. Do we look at our symptoms of today or from our childhood? Our tendencies also seem like they are about today and not from our childhood. How should I interpret this?

You can start with identifying your symptoms today and make your Algorithm identifying your Lack, Tendency and Pattern. It may seem like the tendencies are loud and clear today. This is only because as an adult, you are either more aware of it, or the tendency is more pronounced. However, if you go back to that age group of 7-14, you will find that the same tendency existed back then as well.  

For example – your lack is abandonment and so your tendency is need to prove/ excel. As an adult, you try extremely hard to prove yourself at work, but maybe as a ten-year-old you wanted to make sure that you win a colouring competition or feel worthy by collecting the maximum number of berries or fruits. 

 So, you would notice how the nature of tendency existed even back then – sometimes subtly, sometimes pronounced. It is just a matter of developing sensitivity to recognize it in that time and space. However, you can always work with current scenarios. 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  2. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness. 

After finding my LTP and mapping my algorithm, I can see how I have suffered in my childhood and continue to do so. What can I do to remedy this and reverse my suffering?

 Since you are seeking the cure, you must know that state of meditation is the state of cure. The more you are in this state, the more you move towards light, thus curing your suffering.  

All the things which come into your awareness, must now be attended to by Observing your breath. For process of attending to what has surfaced, refer to Ques no 8 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  1. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness.