Destruction Nurture Creation

The sweetest thing about the pre- internet era for the teenagers then was writing letters and dropping it in a postbox and then every day waiting for the postman to bring a reply. The good thing about this process was that as every day the postman would deliver posts in the neighborhood or even to your house, though not for you, you would never lose hope for tomorrow. There was so much faith in the unknown and so much trust in relationships-  ki likha hai toh jawab jaroor aayega  (that I have written letter, I will receive a reply soon).

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It was common practice that people would write a diary. Not everyone had the opportunity to share intimate expressions. I used to write a diary too. I had a few from my teen till I got married. Then I gave them to my wife and eventually burned them all one day. I look back and realize that it was a mistake. I should have kept my most potent years with me for later years, to research on myself.

I must have been 17 or 18 years old then. I remember an evening on my beautiful, big terrace sitting on an empty drum, looking at the sunset, I wrote something which while writing was surprising me. I happened to recall today when I was told to write about the second edition of the book to the book readers. I wrote something like this in my diary, in those days:

Anything that you give me, I will not accept it the way it is given to me. I will take out all components of it, like you take down a house wall by wall. I will then look at each piece in its totality. I will question its existence in it. I will challenge. I will look at why it is the way, it is. I will then try to understand its origin and design. Once done, I will then create a design. I will architect the building. I will then pick all pieces of the same walls and put them up in my way. I will then accept what I create.

A girl in her pre-teens and in teens was hugely constrained in those days. She would be prepared each moment for her marriage and that would take away her childhood. She was forced to be wiser much ahead of her time. Of course, you know about this phenomenon. But you probably did not pay attention to how brutally boys were systematically burdened with responsibilities to be a provider asap. The best thing about accepting life the way it is offered is- ignorance is bliss. If your leg is wounded and you and your leg are unaware of the wound it has, you will never feel the pain. Such was the life of a boy in those days, that I found hard to accept.

What I wrote in those days was in reference to various belief and rituals, which my soul used to repel very loud inside, and while admiring the golden, cool glow of that summer evening, it seems, my spirit expressed. I look back and realize, I have lived by it, all my life- break it down and question it and then recreate for its contemporary energies and take out the obsolete dark and make it vibrate higher and higher.

Destroy, construct and nurture- Bhrama-Vishnu-Mahesh. This is how you can experience all three gods in you. This is what Adi Shankaracharya said- Ahm-brahmasmi. This is how you can remain aligned with nature by balancing the three Guna of your Prakruti– Sattva, Rajas and Tamas. Use your Tamas to destroy your dark, Sattva (dev) to create and Raj to nurture your breath.

It took me more than four years to release the second edition of the book. While grammar mistakes and complex sentences in the first version were glaring in our faces, we could not touch anything in it. It was hardly a job for us especially when many of you kept giving us feedback on each line and page.

But it was not to be the case. We could not touch the book. We resigned to the design of universe and waited for the right time when we feel guided.

Finally it happened last month. The entire team worked night and day. You know how hard it is to read a few pages in a go without breathing the insights and sleeping over them. We set up the assembly line. Each chapter passed through each one of us. We did that several times. We read, reread and then read again. We cried for no reason, we felt being gripped by unknown energies, we slept while editing and we forgot to eat several times. The energies released in this process were of the nature of nuclear fusion. The reminiscence of our past in the form of fear, shame and guilt, was exploding. We were walking on land mines but continued shooting with our guns. Each one us are not the same after that.

We did not let our love come in our way. We destroyed each line and nurtured it with new wisdom before reconstructing for you.

As you read the new edition, you will find the same plot, same bricks but new plaster and new interior and a new frequency. We attempted to dispel the dark. We are sure, as you read the second edition, you will experience the same- explosion of land mines of your dark and arrive at a new awakening. The plot remains the same- The Cure is within you.

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