Abandoned at 12, lonely at 40. Do the dots connect?

Peek into Gurukul

His face was a little more crimson, his eyes glistened while there was a child-like quiver in his voice. At that moment it was a 12-year-old him and
not a 40-something business tycoon.

Emotional Body & Physical Body

As he attended the Gurukul session with his Vedna faculty, he shared that his loneliness had been getting the better of him – showing up at a bodily level apart from being an intense emotion.

The faculty, on the other hand, could connect with the frequency of a deep desire for protection and love; rooted in the lack of the same.

As the faculty probed on the same, out came the boarding school episode – from being sent there in his pre-teens to experiencing bullying in the 1st 2 years. His face was a little more crimson, his eyes glistened while there was a child-like quiver in his voice. At that moment it was a 12-year-old him and not a 40-something business tycoon.

The Octave

There laid the key for him to begin NV hunting.

He resisted and brought in some other questions and incidents. And the faculty could experience her own resistance towards immersing herself in the same space.

Her feet went weak and she could see her deep-rooted hopelessness in those teen years, in the event of being sent away from home. No wonder she had massive travel anxiety – this symptom being the least problematic one! Would this not also be playing out the pattern of returning to the safe coops of home, finding golden chain for her feet and staying perched on a branch, while her nest dwindled and her hope for building another got lost.

The Silence

There lay both their, the student’s and the faculty’s, suppressed emotion of loneliness, while feeling unloved and unprotected.

We hold space while they prepare to hunt – thus reclaiming their life force energy from the event.

Responses

While drawing our algorithm, we start with identifying our symptoms. Do we look at our symptoms of today or from our childhood? Our tendencies also seem like they are about today and not from our childhood. How should I interpret this?

You can start with identifying your symptoms today and make your Algorithm identifying your Lack, Tendency and Pattern. It may seem like the tendencies are loud and clear today. This is only because as an adult, you are either more aware of it, or the tendency is more pronounced. However, if you go back to that age group of 7-14, you will find that the same tendency existed back then as well.  

For example – your lack is abandonment and so your tendency is need to prove/ excel. As an adult, you try extremely hard to prove yourself at work, but maybe as a ten-year-old you wanted to make sure that you win a colouring competition or feel worthy by collecting the maximum number of berries or fruits. 

 So, you would notice how the nature of tendency existed even back then – sometimes subtly, sometimes pronounced. It is just a matter of developing sensitivity to recognize it in that time and space. However, you can always work with current scenarios. 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  2. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness. 

After finding my LTP and mapping my algorithm, I can see how I have suffered in my childhood and continue to do so. What can I do to remedy this and reverse my suffering?

 Since you are seeking the cure, you must know that state of meditation is the state of cure. The more you are in this state, the more you move towards light, thus curing your suffering.  

All the things which come into your awareness, must now be attended to by Observing your breath. For process of attending to what has surfaced, refer to Ques no 8 

Now that I have made my algorithm and have identified my lack, what do I do with this? Do I have to re-visit my childhood?

In every moment of disappointment – current or past, you can experience the lack. There are two ways to attend to the lack, once identified – 

  1.  You may simply keep your Algorithm/Lack in awareness by writing the events of the current time and go into breathing 
  1. You can revisit your childhood and write about moments that you experienced the Lack/Algorithm and once you have written a few events (in detail), you may lay down and begin to observe your breath. 

In either of the processes, your Algorithm/lack is in your complete awareness and observing your breath after this would only bring an expansion in your awareness.