In conversation with Deep Pant (NV Life Fellow & Editor Whispering Wisdom News Letter)
Deep: Pranam Surekha. So, let us begin with knowing a little more about you and your life’s journey so far. If you can tell us more about yourself before coming to NV Life and what brought you here.
Surekha: Pranam Deep. I am Surekha and in my mid-30s. I originally hail from Karnataka. My father is from Andhra and my mother is from Kerala. They had an inter–caste love marriage. I studied in Karnataka. Currently, I am based out of Ahmedabad and married to a working professional with two children. I am a diabetic for the past 1.5 years. I was always worried about my health. During my first pregnancy, I developed gestational diabetes and my baby had some issues during pregnancy. He still has some growth issues. While it was treated at that time, it relapsed during my second pregnancy.
I was always worried about my first baby and was pregnant with my second child when I enrolled in Chetna. I was not able to control my diabetes. I am short–tempered too, so I reacted often. My husband and I would often fight because of my temper issues. Later, I would realise that I was wrong and would feel guilty. Due to my inter–caste marriage, I needed to compromise in everything from my dressing to career. I often felt that I am not the same girl anymore. I was frustrated and hopeless and was desperate to find peace and guidance to bring my life back on track. My brother Deepak, who has recently finished Manthan, introduced me to NV Life.
Deep: So how were you managing with diabetes for last 1.5 years and how did it affect your life?
Surekha: Initially I was struggling to conceive and it went on for 3 years. Then when I conceived my first child, I developed gestational diabetes. The baby was premature and was kept in NICU for some time. There was some damage in his brain tissues and I often blamed myself for having passed this to my boy as I was having diabetes and high blood pressure. I was hopeless and angry with myself.
I had lost hope in everything. In my entire life, whosoever I trusted and relied upon, they cheated me or left me. I trusted my father but he mistreated me. I trusted my first love and he cheated on me with someone else. I never got my mother’s support and had to live with my Nani (grandmother) during my early teens. I had lost trust in everyone, and deep down on myself. My son’s condition only made things worse. I started blaming myself for his condition.
Deep: What has been the impact of this in your ecosystem (family/friends/society) and in turn, on you?
Surekha: I was always fearful in my relationships. I had a love marriage but I always felt anxious and fearful that what if my husband leaves me one day. I was always fearful of being left alone and fend for myself.
In my teenage, I fell in love and then regretted that I had fallen for the wrong person. A man who had always lied to me. He cheated on me. I thought that this is the end of my life. I dropped my studies for him. I was ready to leave my family for him. And look what did he do to me? I was also a victim of child abuse and it had scarred my spirit.
I had a lot of anger and rage for my father as I grew up watching him fighting with my mom and beating her and my grandma. I had stopped trusting people and I was angry and hopeless. I was obsessive, temperamental, and nagging.
This affected my relationship with my husband. He always sensed that I am not easy and comfortable with him. I was unhappy and fearful within but pretended to be normal and tried to keep him happy. I was clinging to him and suffocated our relationship. This constant state of fear and hopelessness suppressed anger and rage caused my diabetes and blood pressure.
Deep: Looking back at your life in perspective, what do you know about yourself that was not in your awareness before joining NV Life? And what are your key insights or wisdom having de-coded your suffering and having examined your life during the programs?
Surekha: As I hunted on my early childhood and teenage life and key events, my anger on parents for mistreating and isolating me, came into my awareness, which I had always suppressed under the guise of morality and being a good daughter. I saw that I had blamed myself for being born as a girl child. I had made a belief that girls are born to suffer and it is my karma and fate, what I had gone through in my life. I spent my entire life in fear. Fear of being left out by men. Fear of being branded as unlucky. When my daughter was born, I became fearful for her as this could happen to her as well.
During NV Life programs, my suppressed fear came up during OTB, NV Swimming and NV Hunting, and I could finally face it and release it. It gave me a lot of relief. I knew that I was being healed. I am experiencing a new life now.
(Note: OTB – Observe the Breath, NV Swimming and NV Hunting are NV Life proprietary techniques under the science of cure. To know more- refer to the Book “Meditation the Cure”)
Deep: What are those one or two fundamental shifts in your approach and perspective to your suffering and in your day-to-day life, which gave you hope and faith?
Surekha: I always believed in science and I strongly believe that NV Life is science only. When I was consulting my doctor for gestational diabetes, he told me that my pancreas has been very exhausted and I would now be on insulin throughout my life. I was in depression. As I worked sincerely on myself during Vedna, my doctor was shocked after looking at my reports. My blood sugar levels dropped from 300 to 100 flat in just 1 week. He asked me, “are these reports real? What had happened to me?”
At that moment, I realised that this had happened in reality and NV Life techniques work. I experienced hope and faith after a long time. I understood that I had created my own suffering and therefore, I’ve manifested the cure now.
I was 6 months pregnant with my second child when I attended Vedna. I was fearful. What if it was a girl and how would her life be? She should not go through what I have gone through. Hunting on my pregnancy, I connected back to my own rejection from my parents in my early childhood. It took me to my childhood belief “Girls are Born to Suffer“ which was deep–rooted.
In Manthan, working on my dark was the most miraculous healing. This is the most powerful technique of NV Life. I could face my worst fears and confront my dark and the burden of morality that had crippled my spirit. With the coaches’ support, I released so much of my negative emotions and traumas that were holding me back. My self-judgment and self-pity collapsed. It was like a new birth.
Deep: How is your ecosystem (Family/Friends/Career/Society) reflecting upon the new you and what shifts are you noticing there?
Surekha: These days my mother says that I am not the old Surekha. She tells me that I do not get angry anymore. My response to her is “I am breathing” – My husband is very happy. My son is now completely normal. He is able to speak and play with me. I am respecting myself more and my newfound self-confidence, my calmness, and poise are rubbing others positively.
I broke many of my beliefs and found this new freedom and joy. After Vedna, I could joyfully give birth to my baby daughter and I was delighted when she came into my arms. I am so happy that I am able to give my love to her fully.
Deep: Was there any magic moment in your journey with NV Life, that had a profound impact on you and it triggered the healing in you?
Surekha: When I hunted on my father, many events came into my awareness especially the negativity and anger towards him. Somewhere I had branded myself “not a good daughter” and “being born as a girl is a curse.” That moment I realized that I had wrapped myself in this cocoon and had lived my life in fear, hopelessness, and anxiety – that moment the realization dawned upon me and it opened my entire life in front of me.
Deep: What lies ahead for you? Where is your spirit now? And what is your message for those who are looking forward to walking the path of cure?
Surekha: I want to be happy and live life fully. I do not want to suppress my spirit anymore. I love cooking and my husband likes the new me in the kitchen. My only message to other participants is to be sincere. I was not sincere in Chetna in the beginning as my brother introduced me to it and I just joined because he pushed me. I got serious only from Vedna as I started practicing the techniques, especially NV Hunting more sincerely, and created time and space for my daily practice.
If my life can transform then surely many others’ lives as well. I would like to share this science with everyone and especially the teenagers who struggle through their growing years. If they get this education early, then their life will be different. At some point in time, I want to join NV Life to contribute in whatever way I can.
Deep: Thank you Surekha for so freely and authentically sharing your journey with us. I am sure it will inspire many to walk the path of cure. All the best to you for your forthcoming program with NV Life and your personal journey as well. See you around. Pranam.
जब सुबह, सूरज की किरणे आपके आँखो पे पड़े
तब कहु उन किरणो से वो स्वप्न को पढ़े
जब रोशन करना तुम्हारी प्रकृति है, सूरज
तो इन पल्कों पे यूँही बसते रहो
समय का चक्र है
और धरती माँ की पुकार
फिर से हो निर्माण एक नया संसार..
(Contributed by Nikita Jain- NV Life Senior Faculty)