Long long ago (ok so not even a year ago)
Filled with pride, I was swimming in my HOPELESSNESS when I came across Naveen Sir.
My fantasy was to end up in a rehab!
I wasn’t serious about working on myself. And I did not want to accept anything that could potentially cause me pain in the future. I wanted to escape life since I was fixated on never accepting pain which was inevitable.
I was arrogant of the fact that since I have been so religious and an ideal devoted child my entire life: God shouldn’t have betrayed me by taking away my loved one. Plus, I was constantly failing in every aspect of life. So, I started blaming God for not protecting me.
I had lost gratitude towards my existence.
When I attended Manthan. I enjoyed all the love, concern and attention I received from my coaches. I felt great when I was being appreciated.
I was still skeptical about Hope though.
My entire Manthan journey has been about learning and becoming aware of my unacceptance.
I learnt about my stubbornness which I never thought I had.
I have been a bad student by throwing tantrums multiple times, just wanting to see if they would abandon me.
My coaches had nothing but compassion for me.
Not giving up on me, every time I gave up on myself.
I suffered from self-judgment. I could never accept any flaws about myself. Post Manthan I have been able to laugh at myself and my flaws.
The questions that had been troubling me for years as to why I was suffering, had finally been answered. In fact, every question had been answered!
I am on a journey of learning the story of Love, Pain & Suffering.
I once came across a saying:
“Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional”.
On the last night before returning from Svaha when I sat in front of the bonfire. I felt different than usual. It kept occurring how much I was going to miss everyone in a good way.
So, for the first time I experienced Pain which felt beautiful.
To me it was HOPE.